Raising Entrepreneurs

Following on from last week’s conversation about “helicopter parenting”, I was thinking about some of the other, unintended consequences of pouring so much energy and effort into making life easier for our kids.

Kids are far more savvy than most of us give them credit for. If their parents are running themselves into the ground, pouring all their energy and focus into providing every possible opportunity and advantage for their kids, the kids know that they are darned-well expected to return that investment in the form of material success - getting good marks, getting into the right college, getting a good job, even marrying the right kind of spouse.

The more effort the parents put into their kids at the cost of pursuing their own interests and dreams, the more pressure the kids feel to follow the path their parents have laid out for them, whether or not that path is a good fit for them.

Even when the path is a good fit, and the young person would have chosen it of their own volition, pressure to perform can leach the joy and self-expression out of what might otherwise have been a satisfying and fulfilling career.

Kids can feel this pressure in their business activities, as much as in their schooling.

If you are encouraging your kids to branch out into business, or they have started of their own accord and you are supporting them, it is vitally important that you, the parent, do not get focused on results and accomplishment.

The greatest value from running a business is not the income, or the accolades, or the value it adds to a resume. The greatest value from any business journey is the fabulous growth and learning opportunities which arise from the journey - and the confidence and self-reliance that result from making use of those learning opportunities.

Just as your child can benefit from a few years of ballet training, even if he or she doesn’t ever progress beyond the end-of-year concert at the local church hall, because of the habits of good posture, grace, and core strength it develops, your child can benefit from a few years of running a business, even if that business never makes more than nickels and dimes.

Focusing on the journey, and the lessons learned along the way, will free your child from the burden of parental expectations, and allow him or her to blossom according to their own design. It is this freedom which the children of helicopter parents do not have, and it is this freedom which we yearn for when we look back to the time when kids were left to be kids while parents got on with their lives.

Our kids can have the best of both worlds - interested, involved, protective parents and the freedom to make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. As long as parents are aware of the downsides of anxious hovering, parents can curb their tendencies to overprotect and work on checking the training wheels and then letting go.

Photo: carf

Today we welcome back Amanda Van Der Gulik, Mompreneur and enthusiastic advocate of teaching kids good money habits from an early age.

“Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees!”

Does this saying sound familiar to you?

I bet you are probably one of many who heard this often growing up, right?

If not, you were lucky.

Let’s turn a new leaf and start raising our own children a little differently.

How about we change the way we answer our kids when they want something that requires money that we do not have or refuse to give.

For example:

Jonny wants a new pair of brand-name, high-endurance, running shoes.

“Dad, I really need a new pair of ‘brand-name’, running shoes. They are the coolest and all the kids have them. I want a pair too! If I don’t get a pair of them, then Shawn’s going to beat me at basket ball and you know, I’m 10 times better than him at basket ball!”

Here are two different replies:

Dad replies with,

“What do you think I’m made of?  Money doesn’t grow on trees you know!“

or

Dad replies with,

“Well son, if those shoes mean that much to you and you truly feel that Shawn will have an unfair advantage over you in basket ball, then what is your plan? How do you plan to buy those shoes?

Can you think of something that you can do, or make, or service, that can raise you the money so you can buy your own pair?

If you really want those shoes, son, then you’re going to have to come up with a good way to buy them. I believe you can do it.

Come back to me when you have a plan and we’ll see if we can work it out together.

Good luck kiddo.”

In Dad’s first reply, Dad shuts Jonny’s hopes down but ALSO teaches him, although unintentionally, that life is all about ’scarcity’. Jonny learns from these negative replies that money is hard to come by. That it is difficult to get what you want in life. That other people will always have more than you.

And the list goes on and on…

On the other hand in Dad’s second reply, you can see that Dad is turning on the creative juices in his son’s mind, “okay, so I want these new shoes,  how can I go about making the money to get them myself?”.

And as well as getting Jonny’s creative juices flowing on some easy ways for kids to make money, Dad is also teaching some other incredibly valuable life lessons.

Like: Abundance, Optimism, Faith in his son to find a way to fulfil his desire.

He is teaching him to be responsible for himself as well as encouraging him to come up with a plan and then to work together on making that plan come to action.

This alone will diminish any thoughts of theft as an option.

So how are you talking to your own kids when it comes to money?

See if you can pay attention to the next time your child asks you about money.

Listen to your own reply and then meditate on it for a minute or two.

How did that answer come across to your child?

Was your child turned off of money, or encouraged to take responsibility to come up with a creative way to attract their desired goods?

I hope you have enjoyed this thoughtful session, and I look forward to writing the next. If you have any specific topics that you would like me to talk about please just leave a message and I will do my best to answer your topics of interest where concerned with kids and money.

Cheers…Amanda van der Gulik…Excited Life Enthusiast!

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For 50 Free Money Making Ideas for Kids click here!
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Ben Casnocha posted an interesting link on his blog last week, to an essay by Joseph Epstein. Epstein is a university professor, and in his essay he was reflecting on the shift in parenting styles among middle-class parents, and the effect of that shift on the behaviour and attitudes of the “Millennials”, or Generation Y - the kids currently in high school, college, and up to about age 25.

Those kids have grown up with an unprecedented level of parental attention and involvement, and they continue to expect a high level of attention, praise and affirmation from other adults as they enter college and the workplace.

Epstein’s observations echoed those in that fabulous ode to the kids of the 50s, 60s, and 70s - the kids of yesteryear who had lead-based paint on their toys, rode in the back of station wagons without seat belts, and went out to play on the weekends - unsupervised - without a mobile phone or any expectation that they would be dropped off, picked up, or in communication between leaving home after breakfast and returning at sunset.

Epstein’s essay also evoked a longing for those simpler times, when parents were just parents, and weren’t expected to also be their kids’ chauffeur, best friend, counsellor, performance coach, careers advisor, and lender-of-first-resort. Back before the advent of encounter groups and “inner child work”, kids got on with their lives and adults got on with theirs.

I’m not advocating a return to that lifestyle - there were some major disadvantages to living in families which simply never discussed or acknowledged emotions.

One advantage of those times, however, could be reclaimed.

We could return to thinking of kids as capable.

The pendulum has swung so far in the direction of protecting and nurturing kids that there is a reasonably widespread phenomenon called “helicopter parenting”. This refers to the form of anxious hovering and over-helping which flowers, in the fullness of time, with parents phoning their college-aged kids who are living in dorms to wake them each morning so they are not late for class.

The message kids get from this type of parenting is not that they are loved and respected. The message they get is that they are incapable, and that the world is too much for them to handle on their own.

One of the greatest benefits to my kids from their business activity is the sense it gives them of being capable - of being able to do adult tasks in way that adults respect and acknowledge.

Business activity also breeds emotional resilience. Kids who have active businesses have all tried things that didn’t work out, processed the disappointment, and moved on to try something else. In most cases, they get accolades for trying, whether or not they ever make much money.

Who is better placed for a life of accomplishment - the child who has tackled adult challenges, and learned that failure and disappointment are part of life, and part of the process, or the child who believes they are incapable of getting out of bed without outside assistance?

Image: silver.and.gold

It is sometimes really difficult being a parent.

Who am I kidding? It’s OFTEN very hard being a parent.

We had one of those difficult situations at our place last week. My oldest, who has been quite sick and unable to work on her business for the past few months, is basically trying to keep up with her friends and their lifestyle on her “sickness benefit”, aka her allowance of $20 per month.

This weekend was a three-day weekend, and her group of friends has planned two trips to the movies and a shopping trip to the city. She didn’t have any money, and she asked if she could borrow some.

Now, as you know, we don’t do loans. And especially since this loan would have been an advance of three months worth of allowance!

I explained to her that she has to live within her income, even when it’s small.

We have a close friend who came down with chronic fatigue a couple of years ago, and Sam is well aware that we give this friend money each month because the government sickness benefit is not enough to cover her basic rent and food needs, let alone pay for medical treatment.

I pointed out that Sam is in the same situation, and her friends need to understand that she simply can’t afford to do these things. The real friends will understand.

This developed into an interesting conversation about another girl in her group of friends who is getting a job because her parents won’t just keep giving her money any more. This girl would rather not be doing the expensive stuff, either.

It seems that there is a whole group of kids doing expensive things like going to the movies and ice skating, spending money they don’t have, all because they don’t want to be “left out” of the group. I suggested that it might be a simple thing to turn the whole group around to low-cost activities, if my daughter and the other girl just took a stand.

Of course, at fifteen, that’s a scary prospect. Being accepted is everything.

But, to her credit, she went off to talk to this other girl, and in the end three of them opted out of the movies and did something low-cost instead. Along the way, they stopped on at a local indoor playground and filled in job applications.

She has wisely decided that working for someone else is lower-energy and more manageable for her than being entrepreneurial right now. I think it’s the right decision, and an enjoyable job is a good stepping-stone to bridge the gap until she is fully well again.

It would have been so easy to lend her the money.

I mean, she has been sick, poor kid.

But what a benefit she gained because I didn’t - she has taken steps to change the culture of her group of friends from pointless spending and keeping-up-with-the-Joneses to being on the lookout for low-cost fun. The benefits will not only flow to her, but to all her friends who get the message.

In the long run, she will have a group of friends who are much more supportive of her goal of financial responsibility, and the confidence which comes from challenging a group norm and shifting it. For the rest of her life, she will know that she doesn’t have to do what everyone else is doing, just so they won’t reject her. She has learned that if she leads, others do come with her.

Absolutely priceless lessons.

And if I had lent her the money, she would have had none of those lessons.

It was emotionally very difficult at the time, but she and I are both glad now that I stuck to my guns and didn’t lend her the money.

I have recently been chatting to an amazing woman, Shonika Proctor. She volunteers her time to work with disadvantaged kids - helping them to start businesses! Her story, and the stories of her kids, are just incredible, and I hope to be able to share some with you over the next few weeks.

In the meanwhile, however, Shonika has been kind enough to pass on some of her mentoring tips. These are the principles she has used to take some of her kids from disaster area to role model in an incredibly short timeframe. With kids from luckier backgrounds, her methods are bound to bear fruit.

Apply these tips with the dedication and commitment that Shonika has, and your kids could be the next big young entrepreneur success stories!

10 Tips For Parents of (Pre) Teen Entrepreneurs by Shonika Proctor

For teenage entrepreneurs, it’s not just homework or hormones and friends or fashion. For these exceptional young people, it’s all of that - plus finding funding, building business and securing their futures at an early age.

And it’s important that their parents understand and appreciate their struggles and offer them support every step of the way. These 10 tips are a great way to help young entrepreneurs start down a path toward success.

1. Start early.

By exploring interests at an early age, it encourages children to take an active pursuit of their passion - and perhaps eventually turn it into profit. Visit museums or parks, check books out of the library - anything to help cultivate their genius.

2. Try different stuff.

“If at first you don’t succeed …” It’s a good quote for a reason. Help potential profiteers learn this for themselves by encouraging learning by trial and error. Keep trying plans or products until they find the one that excites them into entrepreneurship.

3. Discuss values.

Equip them with the tools they need to make important decisions by discussing ethics and the importance of playing fair and being honest - on the field, in life and in business.

4. Make a business plan.

A business plan needn’t be long - a one-page plan should work for most efforts. By answering the below questions, teens will be able to clearly define their products, customers and advantages:

-What business am I in?

-Who are my customers?

-How will my customers know about me?

-How am I different?

5. Ask questions.

Enforce the need to think everything through early by asking questions - even if they may be hard for young people to answer. And remember: Be careful to come across as a partner, not as a nag! During this step, you should discuss materials, inventory, funding and budgeting.

6. Use the Internet.

From research to retail to advertising, the Internet is an important tool for fledgling businesses. Many teens have a marked advantage here, as they’re better online than any generation before them. Remember, always monitor site usage and message board posts!

7. Serve others.

It’s important that children have a plan that includes giving back to the world. Does the business offer a product or service that those less fortunate would benefit from? If so, work or product could be given away for free or at cost. If not, discuss setting aside a portion of the profits for a reputable organization that helps those in need.

8. Film a commercial.

This step is fun, and the confidence that children get from being on screen is amazing. Brainstorm ideas - from serious to silly - write a script and enlist the help of friends and family to round out the cast.

9. Develop a marketing plan.

Even the youngest entrepreneur should be actively involved in sales from day one. Ask them to develop a plan - and encourage them to think big (”no” should not be a part of this step!). Guide them to consider promotional or partnership opportunities; community stores or leaders who would allow advertising/product placement; advertising activities and more.

10. Define a style.

All children are leaders: They just have different styles and a unique selling point. Help fine-tune that style by building a leadership platform based on individual strengths and weaknesses.

These 10 tips are a great way to kick off what will hopefully be a long and successful business endeavor. But remember: Just as every child is unique, so is every business and every plan. There are no rules - other than to have fun, work hard and continue to learn and grow along the way. Good luck!

Shonika Proctor, the Nika’Nator, is a youth & teen entrepreneur coach who helps aspiring and emerging young entrepreneurs demolish their drama and build dreams. If you enjoyed these tips, you can get more like them at the Renegade CEOs web site.